Love Outdoors

The clouds came home yesterday.
Today the rain is back.
I forgot the sun wasn't going to stay.

However, my spirits are not dampened.
I planted sunflowers.

...

I found these flowers yesterday. hundreds of them. growing wild in a random chunk of land amidst a neighborhood.
It used to be someone's house and property. Now it is a wildlife area and future playground.

I love the lonely undevelopedness of it. Listening to the water and the birds. Looking at the tall grass highlighted with yellow.

I want to spend more of my summer out there.
In the lonely places in the city. The empty, quiet, weed filled places.
Whether it be that field, or the huge park by my house, or the other lonely places hidden around.

The rain does put a pause on this desire, but I have books and house plants to fill the void until the clouds take another vacation. Or even just until the rain runs out and the clouds have to go buy more water.

I can feel God out there.
I've missed that.

The Arrival

Summer is here.

Maybe not technically, but in all the necessary ways. Namely:

1) The semester is complete

2) The sun is out.

That is really all it takes for me. 

The season is looking a little emptier and lonelier than I'd like,

but it is only the beginning. There are a few more details and decisions to fall into place,

but more or less a new rhythm is forming.

I always have the "summer dream" at the beginning. The dream is reading lots of books, going on adventures and generally being awesome.
This year, I have the most chance of experiencing the dream. But it will be challenging.
I need to find a few more things to do, and hopefully, some people to do them with.

Reality always seems so much less than the dream. In any situation. The dream lives, but it is hard to spot. It is fleeting. I am not good at chasing it. I need to work out my dream catching muscles.

What is your summer dream? Will you catch it?


...
Oh, also I edited the quotes page. go check it out :)

Transition

I want it to be summer.
I want to wear shorts and a tank top and still be warm.
I want to enjoy what I'm doing, what I'm living,
and not have to worry about homework.

I love winter, I love jackets,
I love coming home and getting warm.
But I'm glad that seasons change.
I am ready for spring,
and as much as I don't want time to move forward too quickly

I am starting to want this next season
I'm looking forward to summer, and
with some anxiety
the summer after that

I don't know what is coming next.
But I'm going to trust
that a certain Someone else does

Some Thoughts of the Day

I am somewhat of a sarcastic person.
It is a defense mechanism.
Pushes concepts and people further away.

Whenever death  is brought up, if it is applicable, I'll say
"I'm dying, we all are. Dying of life"
It is suposed to stir thoughts I suppose, but all it is is a trick to avoid the thoughts it stirs.

I like to believe I am Jaded towards death.
To pretend I can look in to its cold (or perhaps warm) eyes fearless
And I do work at being level about it,
however sometimes i wonder if it is just the cardboard replica I am unafraid of.

Things only have the power we give them over us, but that doesn't lessen the consequences.

Thinking about this due to the afore mentioned Wonderful Book.

Capitalizing Lonely "i"s is Overrated.

I have done nearly all of my writing the last two years not in orange, but in green ink.
It may be a contradiction to the title of this blog (though i do not keep the type color orange, so clearly this is a more symbolic and less literal title) however the main idea is 'penned not in black' i have come to realize, which doesn't seem to make as good a title.
Also, my title and i are in bit of a committed relationship. its not even because we created an email together (though we care a lot about our email, and are going to take good care of it), we just have the kind of relationship that sticks together.

Anyways, i say all this to note that i received colored pens for christmas, and among them was an orange pen. It has been interesting to actually write in orange again.

On to other more interesting (in theory) topics.
I am reading The Fault in Our Stars. I trust you all know what i am talking about. if not, you best go find out. I love John Green, and am very happy with the book. In a couple of weeks I will be attending the local tour stop, and am very excited to actually be in real life with John and Hank.

I thought I had something better for you all than funny sentences about titles and excitement about a book that I recommend for all (though I have yet to finish it). My ideas seemed to have drained away...

Perhaps I'll just write a list of likes and loves. That is what I feel like.

If you feel so inclined, leave your own list in the comments. Or don't. Your choice.

I love socks, fun colored and patterned socks.
I love my slippers, I've never been much of a slippers person, but these slippers were a gift from my roommate, and they are so warm.
I love my blue hat. It is a cable knit beanie with a brim. It is my one hat pretty much, and while I have an insatiable desire to find the right look, and thus want to find more hats, this one does such a good job i have yet to go about actually getting another hat. I could probably write a whole post about my hat, however i will hold back.
I love reading, and getting really zoned in on the story, forgetting about time and place if I'm lucky.
I love the freedom in close relationships, to act weird, and say things you might not mean but certainly feel, and to still be accepted.

The afore mentioned slippers. Bonus, socks.

That is my list.
And this is a post.

Fragmentation

There is something irresistibly intriguing about lonely people. Lonely people who though they are lonely, are completely absorbed in their own activities, who seem like they don't require others.
I was thinking this as I watched the beginning of what turned out to be a rather strange movie.
There is a mystery about contented loneliness.
It begs me to discover its secrets.

Taken on the *Washington* coast.

I am not good at writing consistently, if you've been here before you're aware of that. I started writing this post a couple weeks ago, and am only now returning to it. 

I'm just not sure what to share. There are thoughts but they seem to melt away when I try to write them.

My third grade english teacher told me that I did write my thoughts in order, and told me i should try to group similar ideas in the same paragraph. And there began my tendency towards fragmentation. Word is constantly alerting me that what I just left as a sentence is actually a fragment. All of that is said to explain why I am not bothering to make this post flow, its fighting nature, and today Smokey just isn't up for it.

The last couple days I've been watching a lot of Meekakitty on youtube. 

Watching too much youtube makes me question my identity, yet gives me ideas and hope at the same time.

I fly home (back to school) in a couple days. I'm quite looking forward to reading on the plane.

Currently I'm reading The Picture of Dorian Gray I'm not too far in because I didn't want to finish it and have nothing left to read at the airport. 

Once I get to school, I am excited that my Pre-Ordered copy of The Fault In Our Stars is waiting for me (along with the need to purchase an all too expensive business textbook, rahrg).  So I suppose I should hurry to finish Dorian Gray before then, or it shall be postponed. 

Being around my family this break has reminded me of why I want to write a book someday. Oh the hopes and dreams. 

Thank you for reading.

October

I love crisp air. Cold and crisp. Not wet, not humid, but like invisible ice. 

It wakes up the brain.

I love sunlight on leaves. Through leaves, highlighting leaves,doesn't matter just sunlight and leaves. Together. 

I love gray. I bought a new jacket this weekend. It is gray. It was blissfully cold enough to wear it today. 

It is basically made of felt, it has buttons, a hood, and a collar. I love it. It looks nice, but medium nice. Not formal, but pretty.

The next thing on my list of material items to obtain is a nice pair of boots. Leathery, black mid-calf, flat or low stable heel. Pretty, but practical. Rain proof, and walkable, but attractive. 

I love walking in neighborhoods. 

My boyfriend and I have gone on two walks in our neighborhood. Commenting on houses, holding hands, and being outside in the fading evening light. Not dusk, but not direct sunlight either. Yesterday he found a pile of free things, and I got a beautiful orange crate out of the deal. 

I also love decorating our house [my roommates and my's house. I live with three other girls, just to clarify ;) ]. This weekend i had some time so I put up another string of pictures and popped some keys in a picture frame and hid it on one of the basement study/craft room's windowsills. I love creative time. Making dekorations time. Art time. 

Perhaps that is why i am perpetually altering my wardrobe. Getting dressed is kind of like art. putting the patterns and colors together. Deciding on my style for the day. Trying to find satisfaction in how it looks, and all the practical variables of comfort. 

A principle of mine is that a true artist can make art out of anything. Don't have canvas? Substitute cardboard. Things like that. A true artist can take whatever materials that are at hand and create with them. That is what i try to do. Found object art, at least in piece. And it is some of the most satisfying. 

However, it does not always look "professional". And some how looking professional has come to matter to me as well. It is to be handmade, but not look homemade. The difference is vital.

Handmade is craftsman ship and skill, homemade is makeshift and lesser quality (we are not talking about baked goods here).

A while ago I assigned myself an hour of writing time every week. This is the first week I've taken it. I am glad that i did. It was not very beautiful, but I decided to share it with you anyways. Because blgs have been requested, and perhaps the pictures will redeem the words.