Late Night for a Middle Bird

Today I learned...

The most used form of contraception in America is women getting their tubes tied.

7 pages is enough.

Not getting frustrated is hard.

What Gangnam style is.

      That there is no time to be bored because.... (fill in the blank)

Screaming can be good, and cause bonding.

Thinking about creating community gets me crazy excited.

That I can't have it all.

The world was so different when she was born.

There are no words for my feelings. 

A deep ache of anticipated loss. 

And mourning for what has already perished. 

I can't think too long on all the disconnected threads,

else 

I fade.

A season of Joy

The first sunflower finally bloomed.

My window holds 12 baby succulents, and I'll try not to be heart broken if they don't all make it.

There are 3 avocado pits lounging in water, while I wait hoping they will blossom into tiny trees, even though it is the wrong season for them.

And that is all I will tell you about my plants. Although I could go on for quite sometime.

I love Plants (also i love outside, plants make inside a little more like outside), I love deep relationships, and I love art.

One of my classes this semester has been pushing me to define my passion in a way that finally connects with me.

I care about people connecting with other people in meaningful ways.

I do not always have the energy to put into people the way I would like, but I endeavor to live a life style that allow me to have that energy as often as possible. For me this means making space. (primarily) Space for sleep, and space for God. 

I do not have that much space though, my days are packed pretty solid, and so are most nights. 

In any-case I look forward to the rain. It is not raining and it is not yet cold. I want to wear my pea-coats and my boots. I want to feel appropriate wearing tights. 

These are merely trivial things.

They are not important.

The important things I hardly have time for. 

June

I have been meaning to blog for so long about so many things, I can no longer remember what they all are, or pick which ones to talk about.

SO we work our way backwards.

I read an book that you all need to read. Or rather that you all need to live. I am doing my best to keep at it. It is called The Flinch and it is available for free on amazon as a kindle book, of course all you need to read it is to download the app or have an amazon account and use the cloud reader.

It is a challenging book that tells you to get over irrational fear that keeps us from living how we want to, and it tells you to stand in a cold shower. click the link, I made it easy. Its an opportunity to work hard and live better, I suggest you take it if you need to.

Last week I was house sitting for a family while they were on vacation, and I had some adventures.

I have practiced my chicken wrangling skills, and now I am rather fond of them. Doesn't take much for me to like something that is alive.

I also practiced my skate boarding back and forth skills, it was quite fun.

And I made this painting, which is now hanging in my living room.

I  am trying to share with you the things that I did when I wasn't writing, because that is somewhat what a blog is for.  Sharing and inspiring.  So I hope this is somewhat inspiring, other wise I'm just talking about myself , which is silly. 

I chalked up my porch and walkway yesterday, but mostly I am posting this because those are my sunflower plants you see there. And I want to share them with you as they grow. and eventually bloom.

My summer is proving lonelier and more challenging than I would like. But I hope for growth, which is all I can ask for.

How is your summer?

Love Outdoors

The clouds came home yesterday.
Today the rain is back.
I forgot the sun wasn't going to stay.

However, my spirits are not dampened.
I planted sunflowers.

...

I found these flowers yesterday. hundreds of them. growing wild in a random chunk of land amidst a neighborhood.
It used to be someone's house and property. Now it is a wildlife area and future playground.

I love the lonely undevelopedness of it. Listening to the water and the birds. Looking at the tall grass highlighted with yellow.

I want to spend more of my summer out there.
In the lonely places in the city. The empty, quiet, weed filled places.
Whether it be that field, or the huge park by my house, or the other lonely places hidden around.

The rain does put a pause on this desire, but I have books and house plants to fill the void until the clouds take another vacation. Or even just until the rain runs out and the clouds have to go buy more water.

I can feel God out there.
I've missed that.

The Arrival

Summer is here.

Maybe not technically, but in all the necessary ways. Namely:

1) The semester is complete

2) The sun is out.

That is really all it takes for me. 

The season is looking a little emptier and lonelier than I'd like,

but it is only the beginning. There are a few more details and decisions to fall into place,

but more or less a new rhythm is forming.

I always have the "summer dream" at the beginning. The dream is reading lots of books, going on adventures and generally being awesome.
This year, I have the most chance of experiencing the dream. But it will be challenging.
I need to find a few more things to do, and hopefully, some people to do them with.

Reality always seems so much less than the dream. In any situation. The dream lives, but it is hard to spot. It is fleeting. I am not good at chasing it. I need to work out my dream catching muscles.

What is your summer dream? Will you catch it?


...
Oh, also I edited the quotes page. go check it out :)

Transition

I want it to be summer.
I want to wear shorts and a tank top and still be warm.
I want to enjoy what I'm doing, what I'm living,
and not have to worry about homework.

I love winter, I love jackets,
I love coming home and getting warm.
But I'm glad that seasons change.
I am ready for spring,
and as much as I don't want time to move forward too quickly

I am starting to want this next season
I'm looking forward to summer, and
with some anxiety
the summer after that

I don't know what is coming next.
But I'm going to trust
that a certain Someone else does

Some Thoughts of the Day

I am somewhat of a sarcastic person.
It is a defense mechanism.
Pushes concepts and people further away.

Whenever death  is brought up, if it is applicable, I'll say
"I'm dying, we all are. Dying of life"
It is suposed to stir thoughts I suppose, but all it is is a trick to avoid the thoughts it stirs.

I like to believe I am Jaded towards death.
To pretend I can look in to its cold (or perhaps warm) eyes fearless
And I do work at being level about it,
however sometimes i wonder if it is just the cardboard replica I am unafraid of.

Things only have the power we give them over us, but that doesn't lessen the consequences.

Thinking about this due to the afore mentioned Wonderful Book.