Bye Bye Blogger

http://glitteringambiguity.tumblr.com/

It has been sometime in coming.
But still, it is bitter sweet.
This is my little corner of the internet. Unknown to most,
but almost sacred to me.

Time to leave my first home and build a new one.

Alumnus Clouds

The cherry blossoms have come and gone. The cottonwood fluff has come with its wishes of summer.

We've had a taste of Summer, as the cottonwood says, 

and i'm done with school.

      

     No homework to evade any longer. No reason to obsessively check my email. 

Just deciding what to do with my life. 

I have a week off, then job searching.

Should I just take whatever job I can? Or should I wait for something Meaningful

...and what defines that anyways? Certainly the ways I'm spending my time off isn't meaningful.

I haven't even picked up a book yet, I'm barely getting my chores done.

Anyhow, I'm getting off topic. Welcome To Life Post Grad. 

Where all the dreams are tested, what will I make my life of? Will it be all the things i've learned and claimed to love?

Or will it be banana pudding, served every wednesday in the cafeteria.

Accumulation

I bought a wonderful pen. A pitt artist pen. Size s.
I killed it, by pushing too hard I think.
But before then I made wonderful doodles.
Only the coffee one is with the afore mentioned pen. The blue doodles are with a G2.

This is because I get coffe after my most exhausting class. 

I'm really enjoying doodle journaling this year. I started a blank page journal in december. Above is my notes from church around new year. 

This one is from just the other week. You are reading my journal haha, :)

--

This is a poem I wrote a month ago (but I edited now):

I write my self down
to read again later

every second my self is forgotten
every second I am reborn in new experience

Moment to moment I change
Day to day I am different

My self remains,

Though I don't know what 'me' is

LifeScouts

I've added a new page!
LifeScouts is something that started this year, and as someone who never did GirlScouts,
I'm pretty excited. Although to be fair, I refused to be a scout as a child.

LifeScouts is basically a way for people to share stories, and be encouraged to leave the internet and gain some experiences.

Check out lifescouts.com and see what badges you have, and share your own stories.
They sell actual pins, if you want a physical badge. Or you can just put the pictures on your blog.

I think this is a really cool thing, and am excited to use this for motivation to do more things.
So go check out the new tab, and I hope to read your stories soon.

P.S. This weekend I'm on an adventure! I went home with my roommate to a small town in south-eastern Oregon. There is snow here and it is great fun to be away and to learn her world. 

Another Goodwill Find

Looks like: Acrylic on Denim stretched in an embroidery hoop.

cute little farm seen, creative materials. I like. Didn't buy though.

Not Cheating

Umm... so...

I started a photo blog on Tumblr.

I only did it tonight so it may turn out to be nothing, and there will be photos on there I've already posted here.
But also others you haven't seen.

Glittering Ambiguity (http://glitteringambiguity.tumblr.com/)

This is the link. I hope I keep it up.

But if I do or if I don't. You can find it if you want to.

There. I told you.

Found Art

Goodwill is a kind of art museum. People make beautiful things, and leave them.
 I frequent goodwill these days, and always look through the picture frames and art.
Last time we actually bought a handmade beauty. Less than $5. A find, but almost a tragedy.
(said find is not pictured here, will post soon)

These two are very badly pictured, as I only had my phone with me. I almost took them home, mostly because I like the gold one "Evening Shadow Serenade. The coin in the triangle on the green one is a church choir pin. I love the randomness, and the chunky paint. 

Mr. Panda is not from goodwill. He is on a wall, of a building that teaches art classes. I think him very distinguished. He either plas jazz or is in the mafia. The panda mafia. They are very tricksy you know.

Happenings in Pictures

 I have meant to write and share so many things, however I have not sat down and made the time.
So first Christmas. I really only want to share the magical Christmas Tree picture. It was the first time I used any sort of tripod, and I have a full size tripod from under this tree, so hopefully there will be more fun pictures to come.

"Every time I see a train it awakens some secret nostalgic longing in me, even though I have never been on one."

  

The post before last I wrote about trains. And my lovely sister read it and decided it was time I got on a train. So for christmas she took me on a train ride. It was in Northern Arizona, and it was beautiful. Pretty cold too, there was snow beside the tracks as we moved further north.

 I loved these trees, in their fuzzy winter existence.

The last thing we did before getting back to school was go oh a hike. It was lovely. This picture reminds me of a forest adventure. I imagine walking the path of the river back up and through those trees. Encountering peace, and animals amidst the crisp air.

Now I back at school. The last semester for a while. Internship and classes. I have some other post ideas up my sleeve. Hopefully I'll get to them. 

Have a thoughtful day.

Time is here and there...

I'm out of school for a month.
Last official long break.

Spent the day reading The Hobbit [I'm running out of time I know, but I don't have to finish it all, since it will be 3 part movie.... :(p ]

and working on christmas presents.
It was nice.

Trying not to think about how soon break will be over and then all that comes after.
Not thinking about it.

I'm babysitting a fish for a friend over break, it's nice to watch it swim.

Simple things that are ooo soo enjoyable.

The sun fades quickly in the winter, days are fleeting.
But spring will slip past almost unnoticed if I don't remember to look.

Tulips that bloomed last February are starting to poke up shoots.
I hope they bloom.

Having the new title makes me feel I have the freedom to write in my most loved way:
fragmented.

But I'll try not to All the time.

Have a lovely day.

Trains

Trains represent adventure. 
Mysterious unknown adventure. 
In Mexico and South America travelers ride on top of trains, dangerously seeking a better life in the north. 
In our country too, people sneak onto trains and ride away from discarded lives. 

They bring fear and warmth to my heart. 
They have the power to kill, and to bring good. 
Every time I see a train it awakens some secret nostalgic longing in me, even though I have never been on one.

They are a special type of magic.

New Creation

I am becoming a new person.

I broke through the wall of leaving YouTube comments.
For how much I watch YouTube this is fantastic.
I feel less like a viewer and more like a participant. 
It is freeing. To feel like my comment matters, 
even if no one ever reads it.

I got that internship I mentioned.
The crazy part?
I actually think I can do it.
I'm not one to be confident in my abilities. 
I generally worry that I can't do whatever it is.

But I can do this. and beyond that I want to.
I am willing to try, and to learn to be bold.
Willing to  ask for what I need to do a good job,
and push through the hard stuff. 

And these two situations rub off on how I feel about everything else.

These feelings will fade. In a few months when I'm in the middle of it all,
I'll only feel the struggle.

But. Right now,  It feels good.

It feels good.

Hairy

I'm growing my hair out.

Not that it isn't already long.
Because it is.

But I have been itching to cut it short.
And debating about whether to go short or super long.

I always have this debate.
So I have decided I'll grow it out till spring.


Haircuts can be such meaningful emotional things. When I feel a new season, or just a need for change;

I cut my hair, or add bangs.

So much is tied to hair for girls, or at least for many girls.

The bible says it is "our glory"

But often it feels more like a wrestling partner.

So here's to loving my hair.


Any hair struggles or horror stories? Let me know in the comments.

A note about titles

Two posts in one evening,
amazing.

You may notice I changed my title.
I thought up "Penned in Orange" when I was a sophomore in highschool.

Almost everything has changed since then.                                                (I know highschool is actually

 two words, but I consistently

want for it to be one)

In typical form I have kept my commitment to the title these three years.

Tonight however, I was changing the template, and I realized,

the title not longer fits. 

It hasn't for some time. 

I put limited thought into the new one, however I think It'll stick.

If not, I'll change it until I find the next long term title.

Life is Cereal

I compare myself.
A lot.

TO everyone and anyone.

It makes me feel inadequate, like my life is pointless and worthless. Because other people are doing amazing things and writing amazing things and being amazing. While i remain average, and less than the greatest.

That's what is on my mind at the moment. I want to be incredible, and sometime I think that I am. But mostly not. It isn't really a good thing that I want to be incredible, it makes me feel full of myself and I don't like it.

Anyhow, that's enough of that.

I am almost done with my second to last semester of college.
Then off to job life of some sort.
It all seems to0 misty for my liking at this point.

I had an interview today. For an internship.
I need one for next semester, and I pursued this one almost entirely on my own.
And it looks like I'll get it.

That's pretty cool.

Well, a short post. No deep thoughts. But I enjoy reading about other people's lives.
Perhaps you'll enjoy reading about mine.

Late Night for a Middle Bird

Today I learned...

The most used form of contraception in America is women getting their tubes tied.

7 pages is enough.

Not getting frustrated is hard.

What Gangnam style is.

      That there is no time to be bored because.... (fill in the blank)

Screaming can be good, and cause bonding.

Thinking about creating community gets me crazy excited.

That I can't have it all.

The world was so different when she was born.

There are no words for my feelings. 

A deep ache of anticipated loss. 

And mourning for what has already perished. 

I can't think too long on all the disconnected threads,

else 

I fade.

A season of Joy

The first sunflower finally bloomed.

My window holds 12 baby succulents, and I'll try not to be heart broken if they don't all make it.

There are 3 avocado pits lounging in water, while I wait hoping they will blossom into tiny trees, even though it is the wrong season for them.

And that is all I will tell you about my plants. Although I could go on for quite sometime.

I love Plants (also i love outside, plants make inside a little more like outside), I love deep relationships, and I love art.

One of my classes this semester has been pushing me to define my passion in a way that finally connects with me.

I care about people connecting with other people in meaningful ways.

I do not always have the energy to put into people the way I would like, but I endeavor to live a life style that allow me to have that energy as often as possible. For me this means making space. (primarily) Space for sleep, and space for God. 

I do not have that much space though, my days are packed pretty solid, and so are most nights. 

In any-case I look forward to the rain. It is not raining and it is not yet cold. I want to wear my pea-coats and my boots. I want to feel appropriate wearing tights. 

These are merely trivial things.

They are not important.

The important things I hardly have time for. 

June

I have been meaning to blog for so long about so many things, I can no longer remember what they all are, or pick which ones to talk about.

SO we work our way backwards.

I read an book that you all need to read. Or rather that you all need to live. I am doing my best to keep at it. It is called The Flinch and it is available for free on amazon as a kindle book, of course all you need to read it is to download the app or have an amazon account and use the cloud reader.

It is a challenging book that tells you to get over irrational fear that keeps us from living how we want to, and it tells you to stand in a cold shower. click the link, I made it easy. Its an opportunity to work hard and live better, I suggest you take it if you need to.

Last week I was house sitting for a family while they were on vacation, and I had some adventures.

I have practiced my chicken wrangling skills, and now I am rather fond of them. Doesn't take much for me to like something that is alive.

I also practiced my skate boarding back and forth skills, it was quite fun.

And I made this painting, which is now hanging in my living room.

I  am trying to share with you the things that I did when I wasn't writing, because that is somewhat what a blog is for.  Sharing and inspiring.  So I hope this is somewhat inspiring, other wise I'm just talking about myself , which is silly. 

I chalked up my porch and walkway yesterday, but mostly I am posting this because those are my sunflower plants you see there. And I want to share them with you as they grow. and eventually bloom.

My summer is proving lonelier and more challenging than I would like. But I hope for growth, which is all I can ask for.

How is your summer?

Love Outdoors

The clouds came home yesterday.
Today the rain is back.
I forgot the sun wasn't going to stay.

However, my spirits are not dampened.
I planted sunflowers.

...

I found these flowers yesterday. hundreds of them. growing wild in a random chunk of land amidst a neighborhood.
It used to be someone's house and property. Now it is a wildlife area and future playground.

I love the lonely undevelopedness of it. Listening to the water and the birds. Looking at the tall grass highlighted with yellow.

I want to spend more of my summer out there.
In the lonely places in the city. The empty, quiet, weed filled places.
Whether it be that field, or the huge park by my house, or the other lonely places hidden around.

The rain does put a pause on this desire, but I have books and house plants to fill the void until the clouds take another vacation. Or even just until the rain runs out and the clouds have to go buy more water.

I can feel God out there.
I've missed that.

The Arrival

Summer is here.

Maybe not technically, but in all the necessary ways. Namely:

1) The semester is complete

2) The sun is out.

That is really all it takes for me. 

The season is looking a little emptier and lonelier than I'd like,

but it is only the beginning. There are a few more details and decisions to fall into place,

but more or less a new rhythm is forming.

I always have the "summer dream" at the beginning. The dream is reading lots of books, going on adventures and generally being awesome.
This year, I have the most chance of experiencing the dream. But it will be challenging.
I need to find a few more things to do, and hopefully, some people to do them with.

Reality always seems so much less than the dream. In any situation. The dream lives, but it is hard to spot. It is fleeting. I am not good at chasing it. I need to work out my dream catching muscles.

What is your summer dream? Will you catch it?


...
Oh, also I edited the quotes page. go check it out :)

Transition

I want it to be summer.
I want to wear shorts and a tank top and still be warm.
I want to enjoy what I'm doing, what I'm living,
and not have to worry about homework.

I love winter, I love jackets,
I love coming home and getting warm.
But I'm glad that seasons change.
I am ready for spring,
and as much as I don't want time to move forward too quickly

I am starting to want this next season
I'm looking forward to summer, and
with some anxiety
the summer after that

I don't know what is coming next.
But I'm going to trust
that a certain Someone else does